Drunken Yanagisawa
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: Yanagisawa is drunk. At a strip club. Oh dear.


A/N: Happy birthday, Shinya-chan! This story was written to discover how many different words I could come up with for vomit. It's a bit gross, I admit. Ah, and I don't own Prince of Tennis!

Yanagisawa had decided that the toilet he was currently kneeling over and clinging to was his new best friend. It was being so kind to him in his time of need. He wondered if the law would make an exception and allow him an interspecies marriage, just this once.

He was interrupted from his business by a frantic banging on the stall door. This angered him quite a good deal, considering that he had even bothered to tack up a "do not disturb" sign earlier.

"This cubicle is occupied, da ne!" he exclaimed crossly, then he resumed barfing.

"Yours is the only stall with a lock, and I refuse to do my business where others can see! I am too good for their eyes!" a haughty voice informed him.

"I'm yakking in here, da ne! For the love of cheese, get the hell away, da -- ugh."

"Get out of there, you peasant! You can bloody well vomit somewhere else!"

"Up yours, da ne!"

The stall flew open, and Yanagisawa looked up from the puke-filled can for a moment -- only to observe the most beautiful man he had ever seen in his entire life.

"Get the hell out of my stall, you disgusting maggot," the angel of light demanded.

"Let me flush it first, da ne." Yanagisawa could no longer argue with this creature. He was too beautiful. All twelve of him. It was at times like this that being drunk was really great; the double vision made everything so plentiful.

"Who are you?" Yanagisawa asked, as the toilet flushed noisily behind him. It almost seemed to be playing a tune; something out of a romantic movie.

"Atobe Keigo," the vision of beauty replied. "Now get out of my way."

Yanagisawa waited outside of the stall for a bit, and listened to the sound of the guy chucking his cookies. They had so much in common already! Not only were they both drunk out of their minds, but they had both puked in the very same toilet! At the very same strip club! And hey, it was a gay strip club! Which meant that Yanagisawa's chances of getting lucky were looking up. For once.

When Atobe emerged from the stall, looking a little green around the gills, Yanagisawa sidled up to him seductively. "Do you want to come back to my place, da ne?"

Yanagisawa wasn't sure whether the spew of warm stuff that covered him was Atobe's reply, or merely a coincidental occurrence. He blinked a few times, wiped himself off a bit, waited for Atobe to give him a spoken answer.

"I do not lower myself to sleeping with commoners," he sniffed. "Not even when I am this drunk."

"I have a king sized bed, da ne!"

Atobe paused, and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Do you have any goldfish?"

"Twelve, da ne!"

"All right. Let's go."

Yanagisawa felt very happy. At least, he felt very happy, after he emptied his stomach once more.

Atobe woke up in a strange bed, and groaned. He really had to learn not to get drunk at seedy establishments like that. Damn Yuushi for dragging him there and then abandoning him in favor of running off somewhere with Gakuto. Damn them both!

Well, it was time to find out just who he'd ended up in bed with. This was always the scary part, because there was always the possibility that --

"AIIEEEE!" Atobe shrieked, sounding surprisingly like a teenaged girl. "You -- you -- I WANT MY MOMMY!"

Yanagisawa blinked open his eyes, and groaned. "Can you please be a little quieter, da ne? I have the worst hangover of my life, da ne."

"I'M IN BED WITH -- WITH --" Atobe couldn't even find the words to describe what he was in bed with. It certainly wasn't a man; no man had lips that protruding.

"Yanagisawa Shinya, da ne. I introduced myself last night, da ne."

Atobe was rather glad he didn't remember the previous night. He just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. He grabbed his clothes and pulled them on, and didn't even care that he'd put his underwear outside of his pants; he could deal with that later.

"Hey, where are you going? Don't you want to stay for breakfast, da ne?"

"NO!"

"But you agreed to marry me last night, da ne. You said you'd run away with me to Canada, da ne. They do that there, in some places. Da ne."

"There is no way in hell that I would ever marry you," Atobe said, turning very angry eyes upon Yanagisawa. That was a mistake however. He wanted to cry. "This is the biggest mistake of my life. Goodbye."

When the door slammed, Yanagisawa started to cry. His heart hurt, da ne.

"I've been dumped, da ne! I hurt so much, da ne! Oh, angst! Oh woe! Oh the ultimate da ne of pain!"

"I told you not to go to those places by yourself," Kisarazu Atsushi scolded the sniffling Yanagisawa.

"I was just feeling lonely, da ne. I wanted to find my soul mate, da ne."

"It's hard to find your soul mate when you're drunk."

"I suppose so, da ne."

Atsushi sighed. "Look, next time you're lonely, give me a call, okay? I don't want to have to soothe your aching heart every time this happens."

Yanagisawa hiccupped. "Does that mean we can have a one night stand sometime, da ne?"

Atsushi twitched a few times. "I'll think about it," he said, through gritted teeth.

"Yay, da ne! I'll never be lonely again, da ne! Maybe you are my soul mate, da ne!"

Atsushi cursed Atobe Keigo, wherever he was.


End file.
